Healing - this is such a difficult topic, even and especially among followers of Christ. And let me be clear, I am speaking specifically about physical healing.
It seems to me that there are two extreme camps in Christian healing doctrine. One camp says that we shouldn't even pray for healing, because whatever God allows in our life is part of His will, and if He wanted us healthy, He would heal us. The other says that everyone can get healed if only they pray or believe or have faith in the proper way.
And then there are a whole bunch of people awkwardly sitting in the middle of the camps; people who don't believe that God will always heal if you just have "enough faith", but who also do pray for God to heal, and yet can't give much of an answer about why some people are healed and why some are not.
I was one of those awkwardly-in-the-middle people for most of my life. And I was pretty comfortable there, not really needing an answer to my questions. That is, until I was suddenly faced with chronic sickness.
I've been dealing with something for five years now, and neither I nor any doctors have found an answer or a cure. A few months ago, in preparation for a doctor's appointment, I wrote down every symptom that I deal with and there were nearly 30 items on the list. Let me tell you, poor health is one of the most discouraging things, especially for someone whose entire self-worth is wrapped up in the accomplishment of her lengthy to-do list (and that's a whole other topic of discussion).
This year, the questions about healing grew louder in my mind, and sitting in the middle of the camps felt increasingly awkward. However, neither camp made sense to me, and I have a very difficult time accepting things that don't make logical sense to me.
The one extreme, that illness is part of God's will and we shouldn't try to change it, makes it seem as though God doesn't care, that He is aloof and impersonal. Maybe He is doing what's best for us eternally, but He couldn't care less about any pain or hurt that we feel on this Earth and we shouldn't even bother asking for help. Yikes....why would I want to follow, obey, and love a Father who doesn't care?
The other extreme, that God will heal if you have enough faith, makes it seem as though it's MY fault that I'm ill. What am I doing wrong? Why don't I have enough faith and how do I get enough faith? Why am I not worthy of a healing?
And so, I studied Scripture to see if I could find an answer. What I found was hard to swallow, but life-changing.
I found that on the whole, when healing is mentioned in the Bible, it is in relation to healing our hearts and souls, healing from the disease of sin.
- Psalm 30:2 - David is rejoicing that God game him victory of his enemies, that God saved his soul, and at God's favor.
- Psalm 41:4 - David is asking for is soul to be healed.
- Psalm 103:3 - David is speaking to his soul; he talks about the forgiveness of sin and redemption of his life; he is saying that God heals his soul's diseases.
- Psalm 107:20 - When someone gets into trouble through their own disobedience, but then repents and cries out to God for help, God will save and heal them from their troubles.
- Psalm 147:3 - God heals broken hearts.
- Isaiah 30:26 - God will heal the Israelites when they get rid of false idols and return to Him.
- Isaiah 53:5 - Healing from transgression and iniquities.
- Isaiah 61:6 - Healing a broken heart.
- Jeremiah 3:22 - Healing from backsliding.
- Jeremiah 17:14 - The surrounding verses talk about the heart, and those that forsake God.
- Jeremiah 30:17 - Healing (restoring) the Israelites after captivity.
- Matthew 13:15 - Jesus says that the people eyes and ear have been shut, so that they cannot turn to Him, repent, and be spiritually healed.
- James 5:16 - Healing from faults.
But, you say, Jesus physically healed so many people in the New Testament! True; but what typically follows directly after the healing? The person believing that Jesus is the Christ, or an increase in their faith, or them following Him. Jesus chose to heal them physically because it was the best way to heal them spiritually.
From my studying, I've come to believe that God is far more interested in healing us spiritually than physically. That makes sense to me, because our bodies are only here on this earth, but our souls are for eternity. It's far more important that our souls are healthy than our bodies. This doesn't mean that God doesn't care about our suffering, though. The Bible DOES speak many times about His peace and comfort being with us through the pain.
Paul is a great example of this. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, we see that he prayed for healing, but God chose not to, because He knew that the best way to heal Paul spiritually was through a physical ailment. Once Paul accepted this, he rejoiced in his illness because he knew that it was bringing him closer to God.
At first, this was very hard for me to deal with, that maybe physical healing will never come to me on this earth. But, ultimately, it helps me to reconcile the two camps and find great peace. Yes, God can and does heal on this earth - but if He doesn't heal me, it's not because I'm not good enough or not faithful enough. Yes, I can pray for physical healing, because God does care; but more importantly, I should pray for spiritual healing, know that God will comfort my heart and mind even in the midst of illness.
Two books that have really helped me understand this better are Cultivate What Matters by Lara Casey, and The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis.
In Cultivate, Lara uses a garden allegory to deal with lies that we believe about ourselves and our lives. This picture of our lives as a garden really hit home to me. I suddenly realized one day that good health and bad health are just plants in the garden. Bad health may be considered a weed, but hey, so are dandelions, and I love dandelions. Marriage, a job, a comfortable income, or any other life circumstance is just a plant. The more lasting part of the garden is the soil, which is our heart and our soul. Joy, peace, patience - those are all nutrients that need to be in our soil in order for good things to grow, and I believe that God is more concerned with healing our soil than with getting rid of the weeds. We can let the weeds take over our garden and choke out anything else that wants to grow. Or, we can let the weeds be tilled up into our soil, where they will provide nutrients to other plants. And maybe, someday, we can even consider our weeds to be beautiful flowers.
The Problem of Pain was another eye-opener for me. I learned so much from that book, but one of the main ideas that stuck with me is that God is the greatest Good that there is. I may feel like good health is the greatest good He could give me, but God knows better. God desires our hearts to be wholly His, and He desires that our hearts would want Him more than anything else. He can and does use the pain in our lives to bring our hearts to Him, and to give our hearts the greatest Good, Himself.
Knowing all of this has certainly not gotten rid of all my discouragement. In fact, I am re-studying and writing this as a good reminder to myself after several days of deep discouragement. However, I have found great peace this year in knowing these truths. Instead of constantly asking for a physical healing which may never come, I choose to ask more frequently for spiritual healing, something which I know God will delightedly do.
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